If you’ve ever had the pleasure of hanging out with me and my husband, you know that we are fairly ridiculously in love. Silly, kissy, PDA-all-the-time love. I’m gonna tell you some things about a great love, but really I’m just gushing about some stuff that puts a smile on my face and a song in my heart.
1. Go at a pace that feels natural. When we got together, we were all in really fast. It was the best high ever. Over time our pace has slowed, and then gained momentum again. It happens in waves of time and energy. Respect the flow.
2. Don’t confuse the need to tend to your relationship with a relationship being hard. Growing things need tending, but that doesn’t equal hard. Maybe your relationship is hard, but maybe it isn’t.
3. You gotta get dirty with vulnerability. Let your freak flag fly, cry your eyes out, admit to dark secrets or hidden insecurities. Be wrong. That deep down bone-trust is powerful magic.
4. Love is a feeling and also a decision. I fell in love, but decided to walk into a relationship.
5. Learn how to make your own fun. Make “mix tapes,” talk dirty while you’re grocery shopping, lay around and read each other stupid tweets.
6. Anchor yourselves in ritual: Every night we whisper or slur: “Sweet sweet dreams, baby,” “Sleep tight, my love.” It’s all snuggly and warm and safe, a shelter in the storm. Every morning we spoon and hit the snooze button and “I love you, baby,” “so much, baby.”
7. When a fight gets gnarly, somebody needs to remember how in love you are and bust out laughing. And the other person needs to pull their head out of their rear and laugh too. Most all fights aren’t worth it. Fights that are worth it need to be conversations. See #3.
8. Be sweet.
9. A friend tells a story about babysitting in which the dad broke down and said “in every relationship there’s one person who gives 51%, and I try so hard to give 51%, and I know I only give 49%, and she gives 51%, but I try.” Each of us try to give 51% . . .
10. Without my love love love, my heart would beat a quarter step too slow.